I don’t think I need a colonoscopy. Sounds like something I should skip, rearrange, forget, postpone, not worry about. Problem is…well, I nagged my husband and best friend when they turned 50. ”Gotta get one. You’re at that SPECIAL age. I love you too much not to nag you. It’s not that bad, at least that’s what I hear.” And then I turned 50. They returned the favor. ”Gotta get one. You’re at that SPECIAL age. I love you too much not to nag you. It’s not that bad, at least that’s what we thought.” Deja vu for sure. I think I’ve heard that broken record before. And we won’t even go to that special place of nagging my parents hold.
So, me being a procrastinator to end all procrastinators, I listened to their nagging for about a year and a half. I came up with some awesome reasons not to have it done yet. Let’s see: Got to get my med bills down a little more. I’m just so busy, but I’ll do it when things slow down. I really planned to get the appointment the other day, but the phone rang and then I just forgot. Oh, I’ll do it as soon as my broken leg heals…as soon as the last cast is off…as soon as pigs fly and hell freezes over and I get nominated for President. Yeah, I’m a good procrastinator. But they are even better naggers.
I had a colonoscopy yesterday. Even as I was downing the gallon jug of poop goop and sitting in my pondering room I was thinking of reasons I didn’t need a flipping colonoscopy. As I walked into the hospital and smelled the coffee roasting at the little kiosk and I hadn’t had a cup for two days, I was thinking of reasons I should postpone this fun little procedure. As they wheeled me into the room and the anesthesiologist was saying, “This might sting a little…” I was thinking this is really unnecessary.
But, as the doctor popped in while I was waking up and said, “Good thing you came in when you did. A little while longer and you’d have had a bag. It was a big polyp. BIG! We’ll run a biopsy, but it is good you didn’t wait any longer. ” Well, at that point, I was thinking of reasons I was glad I didn’t procrastinate myself into a different lifestyle. I was thinking how to thank my loved ones for nagging me and I was thinking I saw a pig…flying over a frozen Hell…Excuse me, both the Republican Party AND the Democrats are calling…seems they both need candidates…Well, good thing that day has finally come, might have saved my life…
Hey, feel free to nag those you love.
3 Comments
June 12, 2008 at 10:44 am
Spark
June 11, 2008 at 4:40 pm
I am scheduled for my first colonoscopy next Monday and frankly I’m a bit uptight about it. I hear the NuLytely tastes terrible and even that it makes some people vomit. I am told that is the worst part of it but I still don’t look forward to total strangers looking at the most private parts of my anatomy. I don’t think I have ever farted in front of a girl before and don’t look forward to it. I asked if I could have a copy of the video but the doctor said no, all I could have are pictures. Doesn’t seem right. I hope to be able to stay awake enough to see the video live bt everyone tells me that wont happen. Anyone know if that is true? They say I will fall asleep and then wake up and not know anything about what happened. Is that true? What if I ask for no anesthesia? Will it hurt? any answers will be appreciated. Thanks. I need some support and reassurance here. Should I get my Will in order?
June 16, 2008 at 2:59 pm
You can do this…I know you can. Hang in there. I know you are drinking the poo goo right now. It isn’t that bad…just gross enough to worry about. Good luck tomorrow…Let me know how it goes. I’ll write you again…sheri
August 18, 2008 at 9:40 am
Colonoscopy: Been there. Done that. Got the tee shirt. No sweat.
Here is a picture of me at the doctor’s office. He is using a new all natural, unified procedure which simultaneously
1. Inserts the anesthesia
2. Performs the exam
3. Urges the patient out the door and onto the path of recovery
Seriously, the whole thing was no big deal. Lots of people had told me how horrible the preparation would be; they were wrong. It was unpleasant but it was way better than having the stomach flu. The colonoscopy was scheduled for Wednesday morning so, on Tuesday, I a) did not eat any solid food (it’s a good thing that I like Jell-O), and b) drank some stuff which gave me diarrhea for a few hours. Yeah, I was running to the bathroom a lot. On the other hand, I did not have any of the symptoms which usually accompany that sort of thing. My stomach didn’t hurt; I didn’t feel queasy; no fever; etc.
The colonoscopy itself was a no brainer, literally. I slept through it. And I got portraits of parts of me that aren’t really very flattering. And I got good news about my health.
If you are over 50, get scoped. It’s a great way to avoid colorectal cancer which is the second leading cause of cancer deaths in the western world, killing about 655,000 people per year. You don’t need to be one of them.